Thursday, 12 December 2013

Thor: The Dark World

Unlike Star Trek Into Darkness, this title actually makes sense! 

This movie was everything I wanted in a superhero movie. I wanted to see this more than Catching Fire (7/10, it wasn't THAT good but it wasn't THAT bad) and I anticipate that I will enjoy it more than the Hobbit. Though the Hobbit has Cumberbatch. I will enjoy it. Just not as much as mf'ing Thor! 


The film opens with Loki. Anything that opens with attractive British men holds a promise that it may (or not) be totally awesome. This was. He gets sent to the dungeon to pay for his crimes of either being more attractive than Odin, or because of New York. Probably New York. Thor is busy restoring peace to the nine realms, and making snarky comments. 

Then we get to go to earth, where Jane goes on a date with a guy from IT and she ignores him. As a fan of IT Crowd, I expected the dude to have a substance on his forehead, as the actor is totally from IT Crowd. I watch A LOT of Netflix, okay. Then Darcy comes and she eats bread and is fabulous. They go play with gravity holes and drop shoes all over the place. 

While this happens, Dr. Erik Selvig is going on a crazy naked rampage around Stonehenge. This is mostly because the planets are nearly all aligned and therefore bad things happen. He also had a God in his head. I totally get why he's gone crazy. 

Also, I seem to have forgotten the bad guy; the ninth Doctor. He's actually an albino elf who is hell bent on restoring the darkness with the aether. "Take over the universe, blah blah blah, I'm a good leader, blah blah blah, this must be done to restore something, blah blah blah, it's in my nature, blah blah blah."
I think I've heard that somewhere before. 

Jane accidentally fucks shit up though, when she touches this aether that someone left under a rock in the middle of the letter H. (if you've seen the movie, and you remember the opening sequence, that's a funny joke.) Idris Elba can't see her though, so Thor goes to earth. That is symbolic of the fact that he really loves and cares for her, even if he can't actually intervene. He's a very busy man, don't you know. 

Thor takes Jane to earth, where she finds out she's going to probably die. Then the ninth Doctor attacks Asgard and everyone is fighting the attack, including Thor's mother. She dies and Thor loses his shit. So does Loki, when he finds out. Because the last thing. Loki said to his mother was something about her not being his mother. Then things get desperate. Jane is taken prisoner by Odin, as bait for the Doctor. 

Of course, this fair maiden needs to be rescued. Thor recruits his best friends to help break her out, so they can go fight the Doctor. Eventually, he relies on the assistance from Loki, who turns into Captain America for 1/4th of a scene. I KNOW IT WAS TOTALLY AWESOME I WAS CRYING TEARS OF LAUGHTED AND JOY BOTH TIMES I SAW THE DAMN FILM. 

Thor, Loki, and Jane all go to the barren wasteland that is Gallifrey(?) where the Doctor lives. They creat a plan that hurt, in which Loki cuts off Thor's hand, but Thor actually is a hologram. Then the Doctor gets the aether and Loki dies. I'm not giving the scene enough credit, but it really is great. 

Skip ahead a handful of minutes, and they are in London again, and an epic fight happens. Of course, the good guys win. Of course, there's a lot of kissing. Thor abandons Jane again, but does come back. Everyone is happy. Except Loki. 

Why not Loki? Because he's dead? NOPE. FUCK YOU MOVIE. LOKI ISNT DEAD. He's alive, and captured Asgard. And honestly that made me so mad I nearly threw up and screamed. 

So go see this movie. It's hilarious, full of action, and isn't something that makes you angry. 10/10, I'd watch it a million times. 


Actual perfection. 


A thought- why can modern science do all this great shit like make new diseases, but canst develop a type of fabric that bra wires can't poke through?

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