Sunday, 29 September 2013

Bag of Dicks

I'm going to tell you all the story of the worst 40th birthday my mother has ever had. The alternate title is Adam Levine hates his fans. So cuddle in kids, and grab your tissues. Also, there will be photos of attractive men to accompany this post because I am having negative amounts of fun. Beautiful people who aren't Adam Levine make me feel better. Because this shit is colossal.

Way back in April my mother got four tickets to go to Maroon 5, Kelly Clarkson, and Rozzi Crane. It was an outdoor concert scenduled for September. So my mother, brother, family friend, and I all got super psyched up and totally hyped. It was awesome. I brought it up casually in conversations and people got excited about Adam Levine. 

Then it got closer. The week of. Every morning I would wake up and go "wel god damn if it isn't one day closer to Maroon 5." I did this in the freakishly hot showers that I take at 6:00 in the morning. I brought it up every day, and people got jealous. I was excited. This was my first big pop concert. My last legitimate concert was the Wiggles. My last broadway show was Sweeney Todd. 

Morning of was great. We got our shit together, got the party started, and went shopping. The we pitched our tent at our campsite and got our asses to that concert. The rain that had blanket this entire area had let up, and it was a little windy. The area was gorgeous, we were in great moods. 

At the actual stage, which for the record is the Gorge (google it) and outdoors, we got in our spectacular seats and I was so wired. My first concert. Adam Levine everywhere. Attractive band members. Kelly Clarkson. Rozzi Crane. All this great shit was going on. My roller coaster was going up.  High spirits and all that. 

Rozzi Crane performed in a really cute sciences Starfleet uniform. She was great! I adored it. Then it started getting windy. A guy came and told people that they had to postpone the concert for the wind blowing things around. So we sat around for an hour. Then it started raining. We sat for thirty more minutes as people started taking the stage down. No one told us anything. They just were putting things away. So we waited anxiously. 

Now, the circumstances were understandable. Dead people from the conditions were not going to be fun. The stoners were already getting everyone high, and we had a lot of drunks. But Adam Levine and Kelly Clarkson both came out on stage to tell us to go home, the fun was done. Not in song, not with Levine lacking clothes. So on the hike back to the campsite we talked shit about it. If we didn't, we were going to cry. 

Then we got to the campsite, where we had planned to go to bed. But our tent was unzipped. Some asswipe stole my back of clothes, and my mother' bag of clothes. I hope whoever stole my fucking clothing enjoys those University of North Dakota pj pants and the fleece lined tights as they consume their nightly bag of dicks. That and some nice shoes that I had, and a MLP/Doctor Who shirt. So we packed our asses up and got our selves to a hotel for the night. 

Needless to say, I'm angry. I'm dissapointed. I'm sad. This is not cool. I'm pissed off. I have a tshirt to a concert I never got to see. I was so close to something awesome, so close. Now it's taken away from me. Adam, when he came out to give us bad news, said he would make it up to us. Yeah, refunds. That's going to totally help me. 

My mother had it worse though. Originally her birthday was going to be a trip to Greece or London. That never happened because of reasons I cannot disclose. This was her big thing. This was going to make things great. False. Things were shitty as fuck. My roller coaster did not just get low, it hit rock bottom. 

My final words are this; Universe, eat a bag of dicks. Send a bag to the backpack thieves, and one to the concert people. I'm so done with pop music. I'm back to my basics, my broadway. That's my roots, that and the 2010 pop scene. This topped with band class, which is miserable, and just everything, will be the cause of something bad. 

Even after that I'm not in a good mood. 


A thought- What happened to #yolo? 

Tuesday, 24 September 2013

Livin' On A Prayer

In he mornings, since my mother (Batman has PARENTS!) works night shifts as a nurse, I make lunches for the young ones. Every morning I play music loudly off the radio. Really, it's a great experience for me. Because I get hyped up on caffienated beverages and put cheese on bread while singing and dancing. 

Sadly, it is not the best thing for those other people. I can't sing worth a shit, and I'm captain white girl dancing. I'm also shit at making lunches. Plus the music changes. One day might be the entire Gatsby soundtrack, but then there'll be broadway tunes and trashy pop. Maybe even trashy eighties pop. Yeah. 

Oh, and my dad is sleeping directly above the radio. He really loves it when I play 500 Miles eight times in a row. 

(Update: I know a lot of Bon Jovi)


A thought: in the eighties, was it just music?

Thursday, 19 September 2013

Spock > Kirk

Let's talk about Star Trek, that really big and totally relevant piece of cinematic and television art. More importantly, let's talk about how Spock is better than Kirk. Since I like making lists, we're going to do it in list form and I am going to stop pretending you are writing this. It's just me. 

1. Intelligence is the new sexy. It was said in Sherlock, and in Doctor Who. But this especially rings true when it comes to Spock. His Vulcan brain is so logical and smart and I just want to cuddle it so badly. There was a joke in my Chemistry class about how we were graphing relationships, and that an unnamed kid just needed to graph to get a girlfriend. I leaned over to Robin and said that he could do all the math in the world and still not be attractive. Spock, on the other hand is already attractive. While Kirk may possess captain smarts and knowing the best things for his ship, the golden shirted guy would be totally no where without his trusty first commander. 

2. He's so tall. I know it's just an actor and some heeled boots, but Spock is tall. Kirk is shorter. I like tall. So this one is more subjected to taste in men. Tall men, to me, just happen to be amazing because I'm 5'7-9" and therefore don't like crouching. Except sometimes taller people are assholes that look down at you, even if you're not THAT short. Spock doesn't do that, as proven in 'Star Trek Into Darkness', when Uhura has to stand on her tippy toes to kiss him. He doesn't go "heh, you're short." And to me, that's beautiful. Because what would modern Kirk do? He would try to sleep with her. (But probably not because the Bro Code hopefully applies in space.) 

3. Only a few people can pull off a set of pointy ears and 35° (An angle measurement) eyebrows. Leonard Nemoy and Zachary Quinto BOTH are able to do this. I bet Shatner or Pine wouldn't be able to. I can't even pull off my Spock ears as well as I want to, and that's my Halloween costume. I'm going to be hipster Spock, spread the word. 

4. Probably the only crew member of the U.S.S. Enterprise to possess such misunderstood emotions. There is an episode called 'The Naked Time', and it's truly a great episode. Not just because shirtless Sulu is causing assorted mischief, and there's a guy pretending to be Irish and singing over the sound system. Because some girl who isn't Yeoman Janice confesses her love for Spock and he just loses it. Full fledged crying, because he doesn't know how to react. Now if this fellow was Kirk, he'd probably have a reaction. Street smart Kirk strikes again, but Spock at least has some issues. 

5. Spock was flipping adorable in the 2009 'Star Trek'. Especially as a kid on the planet Vulcan. I was watching that the other night and just about flipping lost to how cute he is. Kirk kind of looked ridiculous as a little boy in that movie. He looks like little Anikin Skywalker in Star Wars episode 1. I kind of expected him to go "That's so wizard.".

6. Since he's fit his feelings in control and is so logical, it's obvious that he's a great starship pilot. Well, a great textbook pilot. He knows when something is wrong, and accepts suggestions from others when it comes to things. An examples is when Nero, the Romulan (?) blowing his home planet up. Just like Alderaan and Gallifrey. Spock, though he's dying a million thousand times, keeps his cool. He realizes he has a duty, so he isn't going cry. He isn't going to let Uhura seduce him. Instead, Spock calms his ass down and gets to work. In 'Star Trek Into Darkess', Kirk loses his shit when Captain Pike is killed. Imagine if Starfleet was bombed, or earth. To hypothetically rate his losing it on a scale of 1-10, Kirk would be 50. But keep in mind, Kirk also got determined and was making decisions for his ship. Just kind of crazy decisions. When he's in distress he does stupid things. Kirk represents the human in all of us. I love him for that.

7. Kirk is a human boyfriend. He's the guy who, even if he tries to not think it, has a thought in the back of his head. The kind of guy to get a girl flowers when he forgets things, to climb mountains because he's in love, and other traditionally romantic gestures. Now, I guess that would be good for some people, but to me that sounds like work. Spock, on the other hand, is the boyfriend that your parents want you to have. There's a future that could be pieced together. Everything is more relaxed. I'm pretty sure he never did extravagant dates for Uhura because they both were working. But exposing himself to her, well that's romantic. He's the last of his kind, that they know of, and therefore is precious. 

8. Spock frustrates Kirk more than Kirk frustrates him. That's hilarious. I only kind of ship it. 

That's a lot of reading, so I'm going to stop there. Plus now it's harder to think of more things. I'm pleased with this. Spock is adorable, and who wants a manly man anyways? It is about now that I realize the attractive man list is essentially tall men. Opinions can be voiced in the comments, that I wish we had more of. Because I'm just writing for the hell of it. I wasn't to know if it's decent. 

I think I'm done here. Beam me up, Scotty. 


A thought- Chekov is adorable. He's a ginger with an accent, associated with engineering on the enterprise. 


Sunday, 15 September 2013

The Fault in Our Pizzabox

This weekend I got a boyfriend. He was the best thing to ever happen to me, even better than Doctor Who. He gave me food, kept me warm, watched shit on Netflix with me, and didn't hog the couch. Plus he didn't mind that I was super sick. I still am sick, but not as badly. Now I have medication! (Perks!) He also was featured as one of my stupid photos in Instagram, and my dad brought him home.

One might think this is too good to be true. It is. My boyfriend was actually a pizza that I drew a picture of David Tennant on. We cuddled on the couch as I slowly died a million times, and watched baseball and shit on the television. I was so hungry I ate more than two pieces of pizza, which usually isn't a thing, and that relationship blossomed for the short twenty minutes. Then we broke up and I moved on. Like always.

Is this a new low? Nope! I'm totally awesome. I also own the rain gods. I am on a roller coaster only going up.

Oh, to anyone who might read this blog and has also read 'The Fault in Our Stars', isn't that book just so overrated? I didn't think it was that great. It was good, and touching, but I was more emotionally touched by Perks of Being a Wallflower. Maybe I'm a soulless bitch. Whoopsie!


A thought- Does not showering make hair dye stay in longer, and brighter?

Saturday, 14 September 2013

Hardcore Italian Poetry

I wonder what the Divine Comedy fandom did way back in 1555. Did they write fanfiction about hell and draw pictures? Maybe they shipped Dante and Satan. Or Dante and the Virgil. Virgil and Satan? Maybe they did artwork to express their views. 

Next important question, how did those people cope between poems? There are three books! I imagine they reacted similar to the Sherlockians on tumblr. 

I imagine that the people of the fandoms react similarly to this. 


A thought- If I get married, my husband should give me a sword. Because swords are cool and I think if I got married I should totally get one.

Monday, 9 September 2013



I'd like to thank my sisters for being so supportive, and Robin for messing up her speech. Thank you world!


A thought- I own the rain gods. Who needs thoughts? 

Sunday, 8 September 2013

Rain and it's mysteries

So it is official they once again made the mistake of putting myself and Batman in the same chemistry class which means double the trouble! Anyways the other day in chemistry class it was raining and our teacher decided it would be a good idea to make us feel like we were in elementary school again and start drumming on the desks so we could pretend it was raining in our class. After our class's failed attempt and lose of bonus marks for not being enthusiastic we went back to class. Later on our teach decided to to be captin obvious and point out it was raining our class made some smart ass comments and laughed. Then at lunch batman got me hyper and if you have ever seem my hyper I act like I'm drunk! We were going outside in the rain and I pushed batman out first and said you are our sacrifice but instead of saying we are going to give you to the rain Gods I said we are giving you the rain Gods. So now thanks to me Batman thinks she is special and she gets rain Gods.

Thought for the idiot of the day 
How did we first people learn to communicate with each other?


Love sucks

So there is this guy and I think I might be in love with him! The problem is I'm losing him and I don't know how to get him back. He isn't just some guy he is truly amazing and I wished he would see it! He makes me feel beautiful and special. There is nobody like him he has a way with me he gives my that tingly feeling that starts in my toes and butterflies in my stomach :). I can't help but wake up every morning smiling knowing that ill get to talk to him. I really hope he reads this and know that I think he's amazing and I hope he never changes he stays perfect. Ryan if you read this I want you to know you will never have to change for me and I know I can't change what has happened in the past as much as I want to it won't happen but, I hope you keep me close in your future! I love you <3.

Thought for the idiot of the day 
Why is it that love makes us crazy?


Captain America #10

 I like Marvel comics. I REALLY like Captain America. So it shouldn't be a surprise that I read the modern, as well as the world war 2 era, CA comics. But I have an issue. For those who know about comics, this will make sense. (Spoilers?)

So Ian got killed in Dimension Z, by Sharon. I get that he got his mind wiped, and his sister then fell kind of head over heels for the Stars and Stripes. But then Jet Black meets Sharon and learns that Ian is dead. What's a girl who has lost EVERYTHING to do? Well, if you said go fucking crazy and commit mass murder, then you win. Because she is also partially responsible for the death of Sharon Carter, Steve's fiancĂ©. 

But it is revealed that Ian lived, even though he is now a ghost. Or maybe the primitive race THINKS he's an alien. All that matters is he lived. Sharon also died in Dimension Z, so does she live too, or is she dead dead? She may not have been grown in a test tube or pumped full of Zola's magical crap, though. So I think she's very dead. But there's a part of me who doesn't want Captain America's love interest to be Jet Black. He's supposed to marry Sharon!

You're not my mother. 


A thought- If there is one thing that is good about Honey Boo Boo, it's that she is being raised to be very self confident, something not a lot of people are. 

Wednesday, 4 September 2013


Note to anyone who will listen: ALWAYS take physics if you have to make a choice. Don't be all 'let's try something new'. Because it won't work out. Physics is cool. 

We could draw graphs of how adorable this fellow is in physics. This is also my lock screen photo. 


A thought- does Rihanna know how to make complete sentences?

Tuesday, 3 September 2013

Not That Bright of a Light Bulb

The best class in school belongs to Mr. Coe, a teacher I once told a dirty joke to. Now, we've got the best crop of students; the funny and nerdy type. Not the annoying ones that don't get anything (well except one) or any exes. 

So today there was a girl who asking about making things blow up, and if we got to light things on fire. When our teacher to,d her no, he also directed her to the counseling office. Then the girl behind her, who was totally not mentally present, clued in. 

"Wait- what class am I in?" (Or something like that. She was SUPER confused.)

Needless to say, the entire class needs therapy. Except me. I'm the same one. 

For once, a picture that makes sense!


A thought- WHY IS DAVID TENNANT SO GOSH DARNED CUTE? Is this how being a teenage girl works?