Sunday, 29 September 2013

Bag of Dicks

I'm going to tell you all the story of the worst 40th birthday my mother has ever had. The alternate title is Adam Levine hates his fans. So cuddle in kids, and grab your tissues. Also, there will be photos of attractive men to accompany this post because I am having negative amounts of fun. Beautiful people who aren't Adam Levine make me feel better. Because this shit is colossal.

Way back in April my mother got four tickets to go to Maroon 5, Kelly Clarkson, and Rozzi Crane. It was an outdoor concert scenduled for September. So my mother, brother, family friend, and I all got super psyched up and totally hyped. It was awesome. I brought it up casually in conversations and people got excited about Adam Levine. 

Then it got closer. The week of. Every morning I would wake up and go "wel god damn if it isn't one day closer to Maroon 5." I did this in the freakishly hot showers that I take at 6:00 in the morning. I brought it up every day, and people got jealous. I was excited. This was my first big pop concert. My last legitimate concert was the Wiggles. My last broadway show was Sweeney Todd. 

Morning of was great. We got our shit together, got the party started, and went shopping. The we pitched our tent at our campsite and got our asses to that concert. The rain that had blanket this entire area had let up, and it was a little windy. The area was gorgeous, we were in great moods. 

At the actual stage, which for the record is the Gorge (google it) and outdoors, we got in our spectacular seats and I was so wired. My first concert. Adam Levine everywhere. Attractive band members. Kelly Clarkson. Rozzi Crane. All this great shit was going on. My roller coaster was going up.  High spirits and all that. 

Rozzi Crane performed in a really cute sciences Starfleet uniform. She was great! I adored it. Then it started getting windy. A guy came and told people that they had to postpone the concert for the wind blowing things around. So we sat around for an hour. Then it started raining. We sat for thirty more minutes as people started taking the stage down. No one told us anything. They just were putting things away. So we waited anxiously. 

Now, the circumstances were understandable. Dead people from the conditions were not going to be fun. The stoners were already getting everyone high, and we had a lot of drunks. But Adam Levine and Kelly Clarkson both came out on stage to tell us to go home, the fun was done. Not in song, not with Levine lacking clothes. So on the hike back to the campsite we talked shit about it. If we didn't, we were going to cry. 

Then we got to the campsite, where we had planned to go to bed. But our tent was unzipped. Some asswipe stole my back of clothes, and my mother' bag of clothes. I hope whoever stole my fucking clothing enjoys those University of North Dakota pj pants and the fleece lined tights as they consume their nightly bag of dicks. That and some nice shoes that I had, and a MLP/Doctor Who shirt. So we packed our asses up and got our selves to a hotel for the night. 

Needless to say, I'm angry. I'm dissapointed. I'm sad. This is not cool. I'm pissed off. I have a tshirt to a concert I never got to see. I was so close to something awesome, so close. Now it's taken away from me. Adam, when he came out to give us bad news, said he would make it up to us. Yeah, refunds. That's going to totally help me. 

My mother had it worse though. Originally her birthday was going to be a trip to Greece or London. That never happened because of reasons I cannot disclose. This was her big thing. This was going to make things great. False. Things were shitty as fuck. My roller coaster did not just get low, it hit rock bottom. 

My final words are this; Universe, eat a bag of dicks. Send a bag to the backpack thieves, and one to the concert people. I'm so done with pop music. I'm back to my basics, my broadway. That's my roots, that and the 2010 pop scene. This topped with band class, which is miserable, and just everything, will be the cause of something bad. 

Even after that I'm not in a good mood. 


A thought- What happened to #yolo? 

No comments:

Post a Comment