Saturday, 19 October 2013


So it's about a chick who drifts in space. Kind of the most terrfiying thing ever, thank you Satan. Her name is Ryan because her dad wanted a son, yet had a girl. (A good ending at that moment would have been for the opening of How I Met Your Mother and a reveal that she is actually Robin) Ryan has no earthly attachments other than her work, as her husband is dead, her family is probably dead, and her daughter died of the stupidest thing when she was four. If this was Wreck-It Ralph, she would be Calhoun and up to kick ass. Instead, Sandra Bullock's character pants over a hundred times, and defies the laws of physics.

It opens so nicely, with such a gorgeous orchestral score. Oh my goodness, I would like to marry the cinematographer. Also, they used the same font that I am using to write this in the film. Holy balls, isn't that just so gratifying? That I can use the same sort of font, and make my letters look the same. Just less stretchy and less lense flare. It was like J.J. Abrams was asked how to make the movie better after a preshowing, and replied simply;

"Needs more lense flare." 

I would take Abrams' advice though. That little dude is flipping adorable. But on the topic, Ryan blows up two spacestations (by accident; there was a lot of shit flying around in space. (Rocks, metals, bathroom tile etc.) Really, I'm surprised she lived the movie through. The movie doesn't like physics, but the dead people in space were SUPER. Super in a bad way though. They looked good....they just were dead. But I digress. They had drops of fire in the space station though, which was exciting. Lots of movement, and the way everything was shot was super gorgeous. Oh, did I mention she flies around with a fire extinguisher as her means of propelling herseslf? I did always like the movie Walle. 

It's just I wished that there was a bit more story. The entire movie was about 90 minutes, and it kept me entertained. My father really didn't like it though. He also walked out on the Hobbit though. Let's not get started on that confused pile of awesome though. (Martin Freeman, please adopt me. Give me food and let me stay in your basement as I do online courses from Oxford or in person or something. Just you and me, we can be nonromantic besties I promise. Then I'll abandon you for your bestie named Benepickle Crumblebread or something.) 

Now, the gem of the movie, the most important part, the deepest moment, is the metaphor for rebirth. It's the motif of the movie probably. How to show someone changing into something new, someone with purpose. As previously stated, Ryan had no earthly attachments, so she had nothing to live for. She was willing to just up and die. But George Clooney comes to her in a dream and tells her to try something to get something happening. The metaphor happens both physically and mentally. 

In the first station, the one that is on fire (much like Katniss Everdeen) she strips off what makes her an astronaut and becomes a human that is just scared, reducing her to an infant like state. Where she needs someone to take care of her, because she's pretty sure that she isn't the responsible parent anymore. Plus there's theres cords floating around and she's in a fetal posistion. Then at the very very bitter end, she crawls out of the water lmuch like a baby being pushed through a vagina, and exists as someone who has cheated death. It's all very touching, and I'd like to make a meeting to discuss it in a Starbucks. Bring your apple products, ironic food, shitty beer, and an extra pair of 3D glasses missing the lenses; I drew on mine. 

Last word- 7/10, I liked it. You go, Sandra Bullock. Make that movie. 


A thought- Why is jello called jello. Who the balls was like ''Let's call this wiggly, green shit jello."?

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