Saturday, 9 November 2013


To start this off, I will say that I have NOT seen the original film, and will be discussing the film as a movie, and not as a remake. For the most part. 

A long time ago, there was a little girl who would get bad dreams and sleep in her father's bed. It was a good way to balance things, and she needed the security of her daddy. But he had a problem with sleeping, either insomnia or depression or something, and stayed up late. Before the widespread popularity of the laptop, or before he discovered how great they were, he would watch movies on his tv at night. He watched movies that he liked, classic horror films and adult humor movies. And she would watch them with him. This little girl became reasonably numb to most horror films, or was convinced she could take on anything cinematic. Besides, she had seen Kill Bill, the most hardcore thing ever. 

That little girl has since grown up, and admitted to getting spooked during the remake of Carrie. That little girl is my 11 year old sister. Not me. I was nervous the entire time. 

There is a theory that I have that everyone is born with basic knowledge of Star Trek (Live Long and Prosper, bitches.) and the knowledge that at the end of Carrie, she gets doused with pig blood (Spoilers) and loses her shit. Because I knew that coming into the film, but didn't know it would be as tame as it was. I was expecting a blood bath at the end of the film, but really the pay off to the entire first act was kind of  flat. Though the mother daughter parts were interesting, and I thought the school scenes were okay. Let's talk about that for a second, shall we?

Carrie is a girl who is picked on for being weird. Though I'm pretty sure they're picking on her for just not dressing like them, because the actress was very pretty. Though that was a personal nitpick I had. I assume others thought she was fine. The amount of bullying this girl hypothetically would go through is not near as much as what actually happens in the movie. I am okay with this. I mean, I went to the cinema in the fall. What else was I going to expect? Thor? (Actually, yes. I wanted to see that this weekend because Tom Hiddleston is such a cutie and then comic books are great too and well go to hell, one movie a week cinema.) 

The character of Sue was really flat. She didn't have much to do in the story line, I felt, and the scene where her mother picks up the prom dress had barely any tie ins to the actual film itself. Maybe the red prom dress was symbolic of Carrie getting bathed in pigs blood. Maybe Carrie's mother practicing self harm was symbolic of the way she gets killed. Though really the way her mother gets knocked off is symbolic of Christ's crusifiction, and how she was dying for Carrie's sinful ways.

Oh boy does Julianne Moore look old in this movie. She is 52 right now and the movie makes her look more like 55-60. Or more. She looks old. Symbolic that her old ways do not reflect modern society, and how she was raised under circumstances when women were modest and blah blah blah. Modestly in modern society doesn't exist. If it does, it's found in the mens clothing department, and is not classified as decent human wear for women. 

One big problem I had with this movie was the music. I saw Prisoners a while back, and that had a really good soundtrack for that kind of movie. I watched the first two minutes of the original Carrie to listen to the soundtrack and oh goodness why couldn't they have kept that. Some white boy plucking an acoustic guitar while writing sad romantic poetry doesn't count as an orchestral score. It needed that. That actually is one of the reasons that I didn't think the ending was as good as it could be. But this movie did one thing for society. They captured the 20 seconds that Icona Pop had for their second single. Way to go, film! You're going to feel so old in 10 years (When no one remembers the song.) 

If this is the best movie I see this fall, I will be upset. But if it's the worst, I won't mind. I mean, I liked Ender's Game a little more than this. I give this a 6.5-7 out of 10. It wasn't good, but it wasn't bad. Maybe I'll read my first Stephen King novel. 

FUN FACT! (cue shitty upbeat music!) There is a girl who gets her pretty orange prom dress caught in some fire and in a panic she starts spinning around. The director of this film probably wrote a letter to the director of the Hunger Games. This is what was in that letter;

Dear Mr. Dude,
My movie had a better girl-in-fire-dress moment than yours. Sure, she died, but at least we won't have a mediocre sequel.
Mr. Dude 

Yeeeaaahhh I'm probably the only person who isn't excited for Catching Fire.
Hahaha I'm going to hell but it'll be worth it. If you don't hear from me, my sister probably has buried the corpse. She's into this stuff. 


A thought- Why won't my mom let me wear leggings as pants? They're comfortable as fuck. 

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